Hey y'all! It's Monday so you know what that means: #letsgetreal for a minute.
Goals are really hard to achieve. There's a lot of work that has to go into getting one step towards your goal, and a lot of times situations push you back like three steps in return. So it feels like you aren't getting anywhere and you don't know what else to do. Sometimes you don't even have a goal! And you're worried about that because you're supposed to and you're supposed to have this incredible 10-year plan and all of it laid out. But the reality is that a lot of us are just taking things one step at a time.
Why have we decided that as soon as kids hit their upperclassmen years of high school they are supposed to have everything thought out for the foreseeable rest of their life? Shouldn't we be encouraging them to instead make a few mistakes and figure out what they want to do with the outcomes? My junior year of high school I was in a health-science-technology program but I was also still heavily into theatre, and if I had planned out my life that year and followed that plan I would be at a conservatory for musical theatre right now and probably regretting it. I also had a long while where I was sure I would be taking a gap year and traveling! But my family allowed me to keep changing my mind on what I wanted to do and where I wanted to go for school, and it lead me to exactly where I needed to be. This is hard for me to do still to this day because I want to know what I'm doing and where I'm going at all times, but I've had to accept that God is in control and I am definitely not.
So why are goals so important? What about those goals that aren't your own? What about those goals that were fed to you by other people and they don't really "taste" like you? When did it become acceptable to assume things about what is best for other people? I mean we all know what it means to assume... so where is the logic behind all of that? I remember my little sister a year ago (when she was a sophomore y'all) being genuinely stressed out because she didn't know where she wanted to go to college. I was like??? Uhm?????? Are you graduating early and I don't know about it? Or??? And the stress was coming from other people asking and pushing and prodding at what they thought she should do or where they wanted her to go etc. Why do we add this kind of stress onto people for no good reason? There is a difference between guiding people to what is best for them, and telling people to do what you think they should be doing.
How about the sometimes unspoken and sometimes very verbal goal of graduating college in 4 years if not earlier (for those of us pursuing that length of further education). When I failed a class and had to re-do a semester (shout out UMHB nursing) I was the most ashamed I have ever been in my entire life. I cried for days and days and straight up begged any of my professors who would listen for help. I even talked to the dean about it. I cried to all of them. I was so depleted after failing that ONE class because I was so upset that I had disappointed everyone I know. And why? Because I was now going to be a semester behind, and instead of graduating in the spring with all of my cohort I would graduate in the fall. That seven month difference made me sick y'all. And for what? What good purpose does that serve? All it has done is make me even more hell-bent on getting 4.0 semesters which is another thing! But all of that negativity I was feeling wasn't reflected in anyone else. Not a single other person was disappointed in me. My family and my friends all held me and supported me through that but not one of them ever told me what I was feeling wasn't valid, even if I was being harder on myself than anyone else would be.
I promise you it is okay to not get an A in every class. I got into every school I applied to for college and I was by no means in the top 10%. There have been classes at my university that I was just happy to pass and move on from. I promise you it is not the end of the world, contrary to what I believed in the last paragraph but that's okay it's called growth, baby.
What about the goals that as soon as you finish school you have a big kid job lined up and ready for you? What if I want to go work at Disney World for a little bit and say to heck with those first few months after college being dedicated to scheduling and stressing over the NCLEX? Is it a wise choice for me? Who knows! Will I even end up doing it? God knows! And he sure as heck hasn't filled me in yet! Why are gap years so looked down upon in the US? Why can't my goal be to just figure it out when I get there? And why are we so worried about what other people will think of our personal goals?
I believe that it is important to keep some things for ourselves. Whether it's hobbies or favorite TV shows or our 5-year plans, something needs to be just yours, just mine, just theirs. I believe this because I see so many people become absolutely deflated because they expressed something that was theirs, and someone else had a bad experience or negative interest in that thing and expressed that (which is fine you're entitled to your opinion), but the person that was cherishing that thing is now less likely to engage with it again. Does that make sense? I hate being vague ugh whatever we're all gonna move past it, these posts are about being real okay. Anyways what I'm trying to say is if you love something or want to pursue something you should be secure in the fact that it is good enough for you, so that no one else can lessen it's impact in your life. If you have a goal it should be yours before it is anybody else's. And if your goal isn't exactly what is counted as "normal" or "common" then great!!
Another form of goals we should reassess are the #goals we see all over social media. Relationship goals, body goals, vacation goals, house goals, etc. We have been conditioned by consumerism and influencers to believe that what we have and what we look like isn't enough. It can be dangerous to look at the world like this at times, because for example: someone else's body may be your body goals, but it also may not genetically come to fruition for you. I have had to accept over the years that my body goals should be more in the realm of what makes me feel good and proud, because I guess I definitely won't be growing another 5 inches? Crazy, I know. But If I look at the Victoria Secret Angels and wish I looked like them all I am ever going to get out of that is disappointment. I can still appreciate their beauty, but also adapt my mentality to understanding that their beauty is different to my own. And "family goals" are silly because I don't know many people that actively post about the crappy stuff that goes on at home. The fights and the attitudes and the pull your hair out stuff. Because we want to be the best and show ourselves off! Which is fine and dandy, but we can't know this about ourselves and then look at another family and assume they are any different. Unless one of their family members are Jesus, none of them are perfect and you are better off focusing on your own home.
My goal for this blog is to spend the rest of this year growing it and expanding it and making content that y'all enjoy. I am also using it to challenge myself to be more vulnerable and to care less what others think. And my goal for this series is the same; to create a space online where people don't have to compare themselves to social media influencers that are paid to look and act perfect. That's not who we are and we have no idea what goes on behind the screens. (Get it? Like behind the scenes? Jokes are funnier when I explain them). I know that in order to pursue my goals effectively, I can't compare my blog/website to anyone else's!
Thank y'all for reading another Real Me Monday post! If you are interested I would love for you to follow the instagram @therealmemvmnt for positive quotes and eventually testimonies and stories from people that want to get real on the gram. It is a work in progress, so don't expect too much from it at the moment! Thank y'all again for going on this journey with me, and I hope you have a great Monday!